The Story of Wolfe Surestrike

In those days, Emperor Craven issued a decree that a census be taken of the competence levels of the citizens in the entire Empire. By this divine decree, all people of age would be assigned a profession they were competent at; were they not competent at any profession, they were to be put to death.

So it was that Alehone, the young companion of Wolfe Surestrike, travelled to Myp the city of Linukite, because she belonged to the house and line of Linukite. There she was evaluated and studied by the men of Craven who, not finding any suitable profession she’d be suited for, put her to death. Her remains, so is said, were thrown off a cliff and eaten by Craven’s pet wolves.

And there were guardians living out in the lands nearby, keeping watch of Craven’s activities. They were the eyes and ears of Wolfe Surestrike, the rebel. Soon after the death of Alehone, one of Craven’s men appeared from the city and sought them out. They were terrified, for they believed they too would be put to death. But the man said: "Do not be afraid, for I believe in the cause of Wolfe Surestrike. I bring you news of great sorrow that will be for all the rebels. Today in the town of Myp has Alehone the Innocent been put to death, and the land will weep in her passing."

When the man had left them, the guardians said to one another: "Let’s go to Isoeppa City and tell Wolfe Surestrike that this thing that has happened, which we have been told about."

So they hurried off and found Wolfe Surestrike in the city of Isoeppa. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this slaying and all who heard it were appalled at what the guardians told them. And Wolfe Surestrike, great in his anger, said: "Let there be DNA tests for all the rebels, so all those of us who are incompetent at everything can be found and protected from the men of Emperor Craven."

And DNA tests were taken, and through them, it was found that Liovad, the Captain of the Rebel Guard, was in reality Wolf Surestrike’s lost twin brother; and that Teova, the Commander of the Sixth Artillery Regiment, was Emperor Craven’s long-lost daughter. There was much rejoicing; and the guardians returned, praising the DNA tests for all the things they had heard and learned, which were just as they had been told.

On the eighth day, when it was time for the cleansings to reach their scheduled end, Teova, Liovad, and Wolfe Surestrike snuck into the city of Yzohra, home of Emperor Craven. Now there was a man in Yzohra named Ieklirm, who was righteous and a devout follower of Wolfe Surestrike’s ways. He had worked many years for Emperor Craven, doing menial tasks nobody else would, but for this he had never been paid. He was waiting for his due payment, and a cloud of information-gathering nanites was on him. It had been revealed to him by the nanites that he would not die before he had seen his money; however, for Emperor Craven was great and unjust, he knew he would not be paid as long as Craven was alive. Moved by the nanite cloud’s information, he went to meet Wolfe Surestrike and his companions; and he said to them, "I have worked for Emperor Craven many a years without ever getting paid, but I know how to get into his palace. I will help you in slaying him."

There was also a prophetess, Horiyi, the daughter of Yayehi, the tribe of Urofe. She was very old; she had began serving Emperor Craven seven years before her marriage, and then had been widowed in a rebel uprising when she was eighty-four. She never left the city of Yzohra, praying and serving Emperor Craven. It was said that she knew everything about the future, studying the destiny of the mortals from her Tarot cards.

But Ieklirm said: "I know Horiyi well. She believes her skills in Tarot to be unrivalled, and is always willing to try new uses for the cards. And since the death of her husband, she has become truly afraid of anybody seeing her naked, believing the ghost of her husband will become jealous and strike her dead. So one of you shall challenge her to a game of strip Tarot, and if you do well, she will plead to do anything for you but to take off more clothes. It is then that you will tell her to lead you inside the defences of Emperor Craven’s palace."

And Wolfe Surestrike sought out Horiyi, and challenged her to a game of strip Tarot. They played, and Wolfe Surestrike played well, for Horiyi was soon reduced to just her underwear, while Wolfe Surestrike had only taken off his socks. And when Wolfe Surestrike won the round that would have required Horiyi to take off her bra, Horiyi fell on her knees and plead: "My lord, I cannot be seen naked, for if I am, the ghost of my husband will grow jealous and strike me dead. Please, have mercy on me. I will do anything you say, but I cannot take off any more clothes."

And so Horiyi led Wolfe Surestrike, Teova, Liovad, and Ieklirm inside the defences of Emperor Craven’s palace. Inside, they found a podium where one could speak; and indeed, a crowd of Emperor Craven’s soldiers stood in front of it, waiting for someone to hold a speech for them. Thus Liovad saw his chance, and rose to the podium to speak.

Liovad said to the crowds coming out to listen to his speech, "You brood of vipers! Who told you to follow the orders of Emperor Craven? Produce fruit in not following his wicked ways. And do not begin to say to yourselves, ‘We have Emperor Craven as our father.’ For I tell you that out of these words Craven will seek to test your loyalty, and have your real fathers put to death. The ax is already at the root of the Empire, and every Empire that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire."

"What would you have me do, then?" asked a voice from the shadows. It was the voice of Euplio, the seductive daughter of Emperor Craven. Liovad turned and felt his eyes grow to the point where they almost bulged out of his head. Much skin did Euplio’s clothes show, and rich were her proportions, angelic was her smile. Captivated by her feminine viles, Liovad stepped closer, but to his salvation, Teova stepped forward just then. Euplio and Teova looked each other in the eyes, and in that moment both realized that they were indeed kin. Teova grew angry over her sister’s behaviour, and slapped her for it. This broke the spell, and Liovad saw Euplio for what she truly was, a vile seductress. Euplio fled, and Emperor Craven’s soldiers, seeing their leader’s daughter beaten, turned and ran as well.

Wolfe Surestrike, now full of Ieklirm’s information-gathering nanites, was led by the nanites in the palace, where for forty days he and his companions were tempted by Emperor Craven’s last line of defence, his harem. Fearing for food-poisoning nanites, they ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them they were hungry. They found Emperor Craven’s chambers and stepped inside, and found him waiting.

Emperor Craven said to them, "If you are the leaders of this rebellion, tell your rebels to produce you riches, and you’ll grow wealthy and corrupt enough that I shall never bother you again."

Wolfe Surestrike replied: "It is written: ‘Man does not live on riches and corruption alone.’"

Emperor Craven led them to a place showing a hologram of the whole Empire, and showed them in an instant all the cities in the world. And he said to them, "I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been taken by me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. So if you spare my life, it will all be yours."

Wolfe Surestrike replied: "It is written: ‘Worship democracy and serve it only.’"

And Emperor Craven was filled by great despair and fear, for he saw that there was nothing he could do to persuade Wolfe Surestrike to spare his life. He fell onto his knees and wept like a child, hoping that Wolfe Surestrike would not slay such a pitiful foe.

But Wolfe Surestrike saw his bluff for what it was, and said: "This man was once the leader of a great Empire, but then he let his Empire fall into debauchery and sloth, destroying all in the name of efficiency. Now he is trying to escape his just punishment by acting weaker than he is. There is only one penalty for his deeds: he must be slain, and his bureaucracy reorganized."

And Wolfe Surestrike took his sword, and thrust it into the heart of Emperor Craven, pulling it up from there so it sliced through Craven’s brain. Emperor Craven was thus slain, and Wolfe Surestrike’s companions sought out Craven’s bureaucrats and slew them as well, reorganizing the bureaucracy of the Empire and making it a Democracy. Thus ends the story of Wolfe Surestrike, Teova, Liovad, and Ieklirm, and their rebellion against the unjust Empire of Emperor Craven.

This work is by Kaj Sotala and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 License.